Inside Bipolar Podcast: Beyond Spa Days: Self-Care and the 8 Dimensions of Wellness

Self-care for bipolar disorder is more than relaxation — it’s about nurturing every part of your life, from physical health to emotional resilience. This episode dives deep into the “8 Dimensions of Wellness,” providing useful, practical ways to meet your unique needs and stay balanced. If you’ve ever rolled your eyes at self-care advice, this episode may just change your mind.

Listen in as our hosts delve into the often misunderstood concept of self-care. Gabe Howard, who lives with bipolar, confesses his love-hate relationship with self-care, admitting he’s not the best at it and probably not alone. Together, he and Dr. Nicole Washington strip away the buzzword status of self-care, revealing it as an essential, practical toolkit for coping and thriving. They go beyond bubble baths and vacations and focus on building resilience in everyday life.

Whether it’s setting healthier boundaries at work or redefining daily routines, Gabe and Dr. Nicole’s insights offer relatable, actionable steps that will resonate with everyone. Listen now!

Our host, Gabe Howard, is an award-winning writer and speaker who lives with bipolar disorder. He is the author of the popular book, “Mental Illness is an Asshole and other Observations,” available from Amazon; signed copies are also available directly from the author.

To learn more about Gabe, or book him for your next event, please visit his website, gabehoward.com. You can also follow him on Instagram and TikTok at @askabipolar.

Our host, Dr. Nicole Washington, is a native of Baton Rouge, Louisiana, where she attended Southern University and A&M College. After receiving her BS degree, she moved to Tulsa, Oklahoma to enroll in the Oklahoma State University College of Osteopathic Medicine. She completed a residency in psychiatry at the University of Oklahoma in Tulsa. Since completing her residency training, Washington has spent most of her career caring for and being an advocate for those who are not typically consumers of mental health services, namely underserved communities, those with severe mental health conditions, and high performing professionals. Through her private practice, podcast, speaking, and writing, she seeks to provide education to decrease the stigma associated with psychiatric conditions. Find out more at DrNicolePsych.com.

Inside Bipolar Podcast Episode Transcript:

Producer’s Note: Please be mindful that this transcript has been computer generated and therefore may contain inaccuracies and grammar errors. Thank you. 

Announcer: You’re listening to Inside Bipolar, a Healthline Media Podcast, where we tackle bipolar disorder using real-world examples and the latest research.   

Gabe: Welcome to the podcast everyone. My name is Gabe Howard and I live with bipolar disorder.

Dr. Nicole: And I’m Dr. Nicole Washington, a board-certified psychiatrist.

Gabe: And today I think we might actually hit on my least favorite topic in all of mental health and bipolar advocacy. And that I know I’m trying to I’m trying to I just want to level set that I’m terrible at this. And I think a lot of people listening are also terrible at self-care. And I believe this because why on earth would anybody hit play if they have beautiful self-care? I mean, if they’re like, no, I got great self-care. I’m really cool at self-care. I love my life. I do well, I’m but I’m going to listen to these people talk for the next half an hour, 45 minutes about a thing that I don’t care about or need. So clearly the people tuning in not so great at self-care.

Dr. Nicole: So you hate it because you’re not good at it?

Gabe: Oh yeah, I hate everything I stink at. Come on.

Dr. Nicole: Okay? I mean, I’ll give you that. Most of us do not enjoy things we’re bad at. I’ll give you. I’ll give you that. I’ll give you that.

Gabe: There’s also an annoyance factor because self-care is one of those things. And I do want to start here because

Dr. Nicole: Okay.

Gabe: This is our podcast is known for kind of ripping the Band-Aid off. I think that self-care has also become a catchall. Somebody

Dr. Nicole: Yeah.

Gabe: Having symptoms of bipolar disorder, depression, hypomania, grandiosity, hypersexuality, and somebody’s like, well, have you practiced self-care? You know, they might they might need a bigger involvement than you telling them that they need self-care. I think that many people do kind of hear it as a did you take your meds today kind of comment?

Dr. Nicole: Mm-hmm. Like, like, what are you not doing? What are you not doing right?

Gabe: Yes. How have you failed to help yourself? But that said, that said, because we’re going to be talking about it, self-care is important.

Dr. Nicole: Yes, it is.

Gabe: Even though I suck at it, I still do have self-care practices. And I am interested in this episode with Dr. Nicole because I get a front row seat to maybe learning how to understand it better, etc. but, you know, for my people with bipolar disorder out there, I hope you do not hear this as another hey, if you just have better self-care, you’ll live a better life and it’s all your fault anyways. That’s not the episode that you’re going to get.

Dr. Nicole: No no, no. Because ultimately I think that self-care is our responsibility. But that doesn’t negate the environments that we’re trying to function in, the systems we’re trying to work in. It doesn’t mean that everything with your bipolar disorder is your fault. So beyond going to see your doctor. Nicole. Being in therapy, going to the support groups, doing all the peer things, all the things like doing all of that stuff, you’re still left with the fact that you are responsible for taking care of yourself like it’s your responsibility. I am in an industry that doesn’t value self-care. Shocker. Being in medicine, you would think like, yeah, doctors are all about self-care. No. The system of medicine is terrible about us taking care of ourselves. Like, we are literally trained to take care of people and to teach people how to care for themselves. Better yet, the environments that we try to function in largely do not give us the wiggle room and the freedom to be able to do that for ourselves. But it’s still my responsibility in that system to figure out, but what do I need to do for me? Because at the end of the day, I’m responsible for me. At the end of the day, you, Gabe Howard, person with bipolar disorder are responsible for you and your self-care. Doesn’t mean we don’t fight the system, doesn’t mean we don’t fuss and do our best to change the systems that put all these things on us. But ultimately, you are responsible for you.

Gabe: And I think that’s an empowering way of looking at it. I know that because of bipolar disorder, I spend a lot of time thinking, well, my life would only be better if and, if I had better access to care if it didn’t take me so long to see a doctor, if there was more information, if there was less discrimination, if there was more understanding, if there was less stigma. But I can’t necessarily control those things. But to change it up a little and maybe reframe this a little bit, because self-care has become somewhat of a buzzword, but really all it is a coping mechanism. It’s it’s how you take care of yourself and feel better, especially in the face of things that you can’t control. Maybe a better way to look at self-care is what am I doing to make myself happy in my current situation?

Dr. Nicole: Yeah. You know, we talk a lot about self-care and spa days and massages and vacations and a lot of times people get defeated by those kinds of conversations because they say, well, I can’t afford to do like, beach vacations. I can’t I can’t afford massages on a regular basis. I paint my own nails like I, I don’t I can’t afford to do those things, so I. Guess my ability to engage in self-care activities is zero. So I’m just going to. Sit in whatever this uncomfortable thing is. Well, that doesn’t make sense because. Self-care, really, if you think about it and you really dig into it, it’s not really a spa day. I mean, that can be a part of it because I love a good massage every now and then. But the reality is, if I don’t make effort to do other things in my day-to-day life, that massage means nothing, because I’m just going to walk out of that massage and go right back into the life that gave me all those tight muscles to start with. So it it’s more than that. That can be a part of it that’s physical like that. Oh, I’m going to go and get these, you know, massages and pampered and all that is fantastic and can be a part of it for you. If that’s the thing that you can do and brings you joy. But it’s really more than that.

Gabe: I think that sometimes people either reach too high or reach too low. So, for example, self-care absolutely can be that vacation that you’re looking forward to. But if you’re not in the position to go to the vacation or looking forward to the vacation is not providing you with any relief or any joy, then then obviously you need to bring it closer to home.

Dr. Nicole: Right.

Gabe: I also think that sometimes people do aim too low. I want to touch on the reverse too. They’re like, well, I have self-care. Every morning I drink a cup of coffee. Okay. Do you do anything else? No. I’m realistic. I set realistic goals. I can get that cup of coffee. Like, is there anything special about the coffee? Is there a routine around the coffee? Do you look forward to the coffee? No. I’m like, I don’t I don’t know that that’s self-care. Then that’s more routine, which your routine can play a role in your self-care.

Dr. Nicole: Yes.

Gabe: But those are the two things that I hear, right? These these ridiculously high level, you know, go on around the world vacation or

Dr. Nicole: Yes.

Gabe: These these almost just basic daily tasks that have been reinvented as self-care, because somebody doesn’t want to admit that they don’t want to take the time for self-care.

Dr. Nicole: Yeah. And I think we don’t package it very well. I mean, we, we put it in a nice little box of this is what it is, and we don’t think about all of the little decisions we make and all of the areas of our lives that we can care for ourselves better on a regular basis. And to develop these, these habits of self-care that really can decrease our overall stress levels when we think about it.

Gabe: And I love that. I want to see results with my self-care. And I

Dr. Nicole: Yeah.

Gabe: Think that maybe that’s one of the things that I always respond to, because my self-care is always kind of a moving target. I haven’t found that one thing that works for me. Some people have some. Some people are like, well, every Friday I get that special cup of coffee that’s really expensive. It’s a frou frou drink and it just costs so much money. But you know what? That gets me through the week. Because every day I’m like, I’m three days away from the coffee, two days away from the coffee, and then boom, that barista gets my name right, puts it on my cup, and I’m walking on cloud nine. That’s fantastic for them, and I hope you all find that I have not found it yet. So Dr. Nicole, when we talked in preparation for this episode, you had mentioned that there were there were some themes that I needed to be looking for, some ideas, some. I believe there’s eight of them.

Dr. Nicole: Yep. I got some stuff. I think.

Gabe: You got some stuff?

Dr. Nicole: I got some stuff, I do,

Gabe: Stuff fills out podcasts will.

Dr. Nicole: I got, I got stuff I do, I think that there are eight areas that we can look at our self-care practices across. And we can see there are some people listening to this. They’re going to say, man, I’m really great in four of those. But four of those, I could use some help because I’m really terrible. Some people are going to say, I got them all down. There’s just two that really weigh me down. So by the end, we’ll see Gabe, we’ll see how many of the of the eight that you feel good about and where you feel like you can make some some moves. I’m excited for you. I’m excited for us, Gabe. I’m excited for us.

Gabe: All right. But when I give pushback and say that I don’t like that, I don’t want you to lose your enthusiasm because the listeners may love it. They may love it. Your mileage may vary, but I will be I will be really honest in my feedback.

Dr. Nicole: I know, I know, you’re about to come in with all your realism or all your pessimism cloaked in realism. We’re, we’re ready for.

Gabe: Pessimism cloaked in realism. That’s

Dr. Nicole: We’re ready for it.

Gabe: Before we get into this, I do want to say pessimism cloaked in realism is a great name for a podcast. That is beautiful. It will be on the Healthline Media Network by the end of next month. I just you heard it here first. All right, Dr. Nicole, let’s hit the gate. What’s the first one?

Dr. Nicole: So the first place I usually start is professionally. And I think this one is going to be important because for somebody who is living with bipolar disorder Where? Where are you struggling? Where are you struggling professionally? A lot of times people tell me they either have very poor boundaries with their job. They’re like, I have really poor boundaries with work. And some of that comes from their feeling of I have to do more because I’m this person who has this illness and I have to prove myself. I have to do so much more than everybody else. I have to respond quickly, and I have to be the one to do all these things. And I have to say yes, because I don’t want to. I don’t want to say, well, I can’t because I’m worried about stressing myself because I have bipolar disorder, because then that might actually be me saying that my bipolar disorder is limiting me in some way. And so I just say yes to everything, because why wouldn’t I? Why wouldn’t I just say yes? Well, you serve on this committee. Yes. Will you do this thing? Yes. Will you come to this event? Yes, I’ll be there. Will you, you know, mentor this new. Yeah, I’ll do that. Will you train this person? Yeah, I can do that. Can you come in early? Yes. Can you stay late? Yes. Listen, that is not realistic. There are only 24 hours in the day.

Gabe: I think the kids call this FOMO, right? Fear of missing out. Like you say yes to everything.

Dr. Nicole: I don’t think this is FOMO, though.

Gabe: You don’t think it’s FOMO?

Dr. Nicole: No

Gabe: No?

Dr. Nicole: FOMO is like, I don’t want to miss out on this great thing. So I want to be a part of everything. This is often kind of at the at the foundation of it. It’s often, why are you saying yes to everything? Because you you can’t because you’re a woman and you’re like, well, I just don’t want to be mean. And I don’t want to come across as being the angry woman. So I say yes. In medicine, we see a lot of women who have a hard time saying no. My male colleagues, no, no. Thought about it? Nope. Can’t do that. They don’t even think twice about it. Yet here the women in medicine are like, well, yeah, I mean, I guess I have time for that. I could probably make that work. No, no, no, I am a firm believer that your no’s give power to your yeses, right? The things that you say no to, the things that you feel comfortable saying no, to absolutely give power to the things that you can say yes to. I think that professionally, I mean, you know, a lot of people work really late. We have our email on our phone. We’re responding to emails eight, nine, 10:00 at night. We are making sure we respond right away because we don’t want to not respond or seem like we’re not responsive enough and all of that. But are there really email emergencies? Like, I mean, are there I, I don’t know. I mean, maybe in other people’s worlds they’re email emergencies. But I feel like if you are in an industry where there are emergencies, people will call you. People have a way to reach out and touch you in a more direct way. There are no email emergencies. There’s nobody in the world emailing you at 10:00 at night, and you have to respond by 1030. There’s no emergency. It can happen the next day. It’s not it’s not that serious.

Gabe: So you’re saying that in I’m kind of getting on board with this one a little bit, and I’m actually a little bit surprised because you’re saying that that managing your expectations or setting boundaries with, with the people at work,

Dr. Nicole: Yes.

Gabe: Having a work life balance is part of self-care. Because I’m huge into work life balance, I’m terrible at it. I’ll be the first to admit, but I know that I need to do better.

Dr. Nicole: But this is a way. And people who during the pandemic, especially when we saw people working from home, people literally went from working at home to living at work. They were like, well, I mean, I’m here. I might as well just sit down and respond to these five emails at midnight. No, no, it eats into your personal time. How do you ever feel like you’re not at work? You need time to walk away.

Gabe: So in a way, you’re also saying that self-care is being in the moment and not thinking about other things that you have to do.

Dr. Nicole: It’s giving yourself time to do that stuff. And those are areas that we tend to think about. Sometimes. The way you structure your day professionally is, is, is It’s adding to your ability to care for yourself or your ability to feel that sense of relaxation. Because some people are really terrible at scheduling their day and structuring their day, some people are the I’m gonna check. I’m going to check my email 15 times a day, and I’m going to respond to every email as soon as it comes in. And that really jacks up your work day. So then you don’t feel like you were efficient because you were fighting fires via email all day, and you kept getting derailed and distracted, and then that bleeds over into, oh, and then I have to work late because I didn’t get the stuff done. Or it leads into I can’t stop thinking in the evening, in my free time about the stuff that I didn’t get done, because my day was really structured very poorly. And so sometimes there’s just little things that you can do. But I think our work lives, because we spend so much time at work, play a huge, huge role in how we take care of ourselves.

Gabe: That one obviously resonates with me and I can. I don’t know if my wife listens to this podcast or not, but I guarantee she’s like, Gabe, you should listen to every word that Dr. Nicole is saying right now and apply it immediately. But I but I do want to say that you know this this applies for not just our professional settings, but this could also be for our folks in school, our folks in college, our our stay-at-home parents who I know that becomes a little bit harder, but I really the thing that I took away from it is if you are not present in the moment that you’re in because your mind is wandering back to something else, you’re not benefiting either thing. You’re not present in the activity that you’re taking point in because you’re thinking about something else, and you’re not actually doing a good job on that something else, because you’re

Dr. Nicole: Yeah.

Gabe: You’re dividing your time, so you just lose out on everything. And that that was really the message that I got. And you never get away from it. So you can’t get new ideas, you can’t rejuvenate, you can’t reinvigorate, you can’t think. And you might be driving people away, which of course is where we get our support system. So I never would have looked at self-care in quite those terms, but.

Dr. Nicole: Yes, yes.

Gabe: But kudos to you, Dr. Nicole.

Dr. Nicole: And the reason I start with that one is because so often that is the one that interferes with us addressing the other ones that we’re going to talk about. So that that that one is like the main one that I see tripping people up the most, which which takes us to the physical, right. The physical self-care.

Gabe: And this is number two. Number two

Dr. Nicole: Number two, number two.

Gabe: Physical self-care. All right.

Dr. Nicole: Physical self-care.

Gabe: You’re going to say diet and exercise. I know you are. I swear if yoga comes up, I’m hanging up.

Dr. Nicole: Well, you’re not going to hang up because this is your job. So buckle, buckle up buttercup.

Gabe: I’m buckled.

Dr. Nicole: We’re about to go. We’re about to go for it. So yes, diet and exercise is an important part of that. But how many times do people say, I can’t, I can’t afford a gym membership. I’m not going to exercise, I can’t. Part of your self-care is figuring out what do you need? Exercise can be anything. I mean, my gosh, you can put on music for 30 minutes and dance your heart out and get your heart rate up. That’s going to cut it, right? If you can’t afford gym memberships, and maybe you live in a neighborhood where walking in that safe so you can’t go for a walk, whatever it is, we live in a time where there is freaking everything. On YouTube. You can find a walk around your house, walk in place putting water in gallon milk jugs as weights like there are so many things that you can do and find on the internet for exercise like be creative.

Gabe: I like the do-it-yourself exercise. I do. Because you’re right. We do tend to think big, right? Like, the only way that I can get in shape is to spend thousands of dollars on a personal trainer and a gym membership. Like every single person who is at a healthy body weight or has good body image, or who feels good when they wake up in the morning, must have a team of trainers, right? So I do think we need to dispel that. There are things that we can do. And one of those things is, you know, often and I understand why I do it. You know, often I choose to eat the Twinkie. I choose to eat the junk food, I choose the potato chips. I chose them when I bought them at the store, when I kept them in the house, and when I ultimately put them in my mouth. And I have never looked at self-care as making better decisions. But you’re right. Feeding myself a healthy meal and moving around a little bit. However, that looks like for me, I should give myself credit for that. And it also kind of makes me feel good because I’m doing something for me. So I again, I was really big on the self-care as yoga. But you’re right. Self-care is you’re starting to win me over. Now what?

Dr. Nicole: Uh-oh. Watch out!

Gabe: I don’t want you to get too big of a head.

Dr. Nicole: Watch out! But also, part of physical is addressing your illnesses that you have any kind of physical health, things that you’re dealing with. And then the health maintenance of those things are you have you had your colonoscopy? Are you over 45? Have you had your first colonoscopy yet? You know, if you’re a woman, have you had your mammogram? Are you having your prostate checked? Are you are you doing those things that we need to do because those are things that can derail your wellness. When we think about your your wellness, those are things that can derail you. So why don’t we take care of those things? We need to. Right?

Gabe: And I think it’s super important to also point out that just because you can’t do the best, doesn’t mean that you can’t do enough. Right. I can’t walk for an hour. Okay. Can you walk for ten minutes? Well, nope, if I can’t do the whole hour, I’m going to do none.

Dr. Nicole: Right.

Gabe: Ten minutes is infinitely better than none.

Dr. Nicole: Yeah. And eventually you’ll get to that hour.

Gabe: And I do believe that. I do believe that. Same with medical care. Same with eating better, right? Everybody seems to go from eating nothing but junk food to trying to eat the healthiest they can. You know, maybe eat some potato chips, but also eat some green beans,

Dr. Nicole: Yeah.

Gabe: Right? You don’t need to remove all the junk food instantly. I think that’s important to talk about, especially because diet and exercise is just kind of one of those things. It’s like, oh, you feel bad, radically change your diet and your exercise.

Dr. Nicole: Yes, yes. [Laughter]

Gabe: Radical changes are difficult to maintain.

Dr. Nicole: Oh, absolutely.

Gabe: Small changes are easier.

Dr. Nicole: Absolutely. So then we move to like your finances, because nothing will really mess up your general sense of wellness than for your finances to not be intact. And a lot of that will affect your mental health. There’s no way that you can feel good about things if financially your life is in shambles. It just adds to all your stress. So what are those things that you can do? What kind of resources can you take advantage of? Are there retirement planning things in your community? A lot of times there are community events that go on that can help you learn about taxes. And local community colleges and local technical colleges have a lot of these kind of classes available at very little cost or sometimes no cost to the public where you want to learn about, like, what does life look like when I’m an older person and I want to retire? Like, what does that look like for me financially? You know, what can I do different? How do I learn to budget? These are not skills that we were all taught as children.

Gabe: In fact, many of us weren’t taught these skills

Dr. Nicole: Exactly.

Gabe: As children because talking about money is one of those things that you have been warned off against doing since birth.

Dr. Nicole: And some of our parents didn’t know how to budget and how to, to do these things either. So they they definitely couldn’t be the ones to teach that stuff to us. So learning about those things because there, there are very few things in life that can mess you up as far as a wellness perspective than your money. Like we are all worried about our money. There is a level of being able to breathe a little bit when you know that I have a plan, like I have a plan for when I retire. I have a plan for my money. I have a savings. If something happens, I don’t have to feel so stressed about, oh my God, what’s going to happen? I mean, I might be ticked off about it, but I can say, oh wow. But remember, I saved for this very reason and I don’t have to be as stressed about it. So I think your financial self-care is kind of one that we overlook, and we just don’t think about it. But when those big things happen, and especially we talk about when you have bipolar disorder, those big stressful moments are the ones that can throw you into an episode. Having a huge financial something happen to you can absolutely set you up for a mood episode because of how hard they tend to hit us when we’re not prepared.

Gabe: I’m really glad that you brought up paying attention to your finances as part of self-care for two reasons one, people don’t talk about it enough with bipolar disorder or with mental health because they feel that it’s a taboo subject. And two, there’s a stigma that people with bipolar disorder don’t have any money anyway. Everybody with bipolar disorder has money, whether it’s a lot or a little. We have finances. There’s we need to pay our bills and we need to understand our financial situation. And I know when I was really, really sick and when I wasn’t working, my financial situation was dire. But because of my parents and my upbringing, I still understood that it was dire and I still knew what I was working with. Was the information great? No, it was not. But it was accurate and I felt that I was in control of the chaos. It was scary, but at least I was informed. And when you’re talking about self-care and finances again, I think that’s worth bringing up because I don’t want anybody to hear, oh, I don’t have any money anyways. I don’t need to pay attention to this.

Dr. Nicole: Yes.

Gabe: I would argue that it’s probably more important that you pay attention to it if you’re in a financial crisis.

Dr. Nicole: And the reality is, I have people who make $100,000 a year and have no plan and are completely unprepared and are worse off financially from a financial self-care standpoint than someone who makes 40 but who has a plan. So it really isn’t always about how much you make, but what you do with it and how you prepare for those moments. So that that is a fantastic point.

Gabe: I completely agree. All right, hit us with the next one, Dr. Nicole.

Sponsor Break

Gabe: And we’re back discussing the eight dimensions of self care.  

Dr. Nicole: Number four [Laughter].

Gabe: Ha-ha. Moving right along.

Dr. Nicole: I like that. I feel like a DJ. I feel like I’m counting down like a top ten, like a DJ, like a weekly. Weekly self-care with

Gabe: Nice.

Dr. Nicole: Dr. Nicole. Number four, it’s your psychological self-care, so I don’t even have to mention medication and therapy because y’all already know how I feel about those kinds of things. We talk about peer groups all the time. We talk about all those things. But these three might take you a little a little, a little further away from that. So I think doing things that bring you joy is important. Hard stop. Doing things that bring you joy is important. It is a very important part of your self-care plan. Like how often do you laugh? What does that look like for you? What is that thing? And a lot of times when I ask people when I first meet them, what do you do for fun? There’s crickets. Like people just can’t tell me anything. They can’t remember the last time they had fun or they laughed or they. But what is your thing? Is it watching silly YouTube videos? Is it watching silly movies from the past that make you laugh? Is it is it calling a certain friend who always makes you laugh? Like what is that thing? But whatever it is, you should find time to do it. And maybe if some of these other things are aligned just right, you will have the freedom to be able to do something that actually makes you happy. And it doesn’t have to be a big Ole something. It could be a very small something, but doing something that brings you joy. The second one is realistic expectations. Having unrealistic expectations will 100% wreck you mentally every time. If you walk into situations and you are expecting things that are unrealistic to happen, you are going to be disappointed every single time. And that I see is a huge, huge part of people’s psychological self-care taking huge hits because mentally, they’re just not able to overcome the disappointment that in a lot of ways they’ve kind of set up for themselves.

Dr. Nicole: And then the third one is the gratitude. I think having a practice of gratitude is important, and I don’t want you to roll your eyes because I can feel Gabe probably rolling his eyes. He’s like gratitude. But I will say it is important. Gratitude exercises are an important part of my day. I mean, and it doesn’t have to be like, I’m not expecting you to go pull out this big old project and vision board and gratitude board and all your pretty markers and glitter pants. I’m not saying do that, but literally it can be as simple as at night before I go to bed when I brush my teeth before bed, because hopefully y’all are brushing your teeth at night before you go to bed. After you floss, hopefully you have time. You should brush your teeth for like two minutes. They say in that two minutes, I literally just think of three things about that day that I was grateful for. It could be very small things. I am grateful that I was able to get up and go to this job. I am grateful that I have a job even though it sucks, but my bills are paid like I am. Great. Whatever it is, it might be something huge that day, but it might be something very, very simple. But I think it’s important to end your day on a high note and to remind yourself in some ways that something did happen to me today that I would consider a good thing.

Gabe: Dr. Nicole, I want to talk about the YouTube videos real quick, because the first thing that went through my mind, of course, is completely judgmental. That’s such a waste of time. But you’re right. If it brings you joy, if it gives you a respite in the storm, if it makes you happy, who cares? And then you got into realistic expectations. And I thought, oh, it’s a completely unrealistic expectation to think that every single moment of your day must be productive. There’s got to be moments that are unproductive. There’s got to be moments that are silly. There’s got to be moments that make you happy. And then I would argue that that is productivity, right? Because

Dr. Nicole: Right.

Gabe: Our mental health and our self-care is productive.

Dr. Nicole: Yeah.

Gabe: So when you were speaking, I just I was thinking, oh, how many things that I do that make me happy do I judge myself for? You know, like watching television? But I call myself a lazy couch potato. No, I’m just. I’m just enjoying a television show. Like, don’t beat yourself up. You went to work today. Be cool, I like that. I like that took me in a different direction than I thought. But, but, but I liked it, I liked it. All right, what’s next on the list?

Dr. Nicole: I have all kinds of surprises, Gabe.

Gabe: Haha. I love your surprises.

Dr. Nicole: Interpersonal self-care, which is also something I think we were really terrible at sometimes. And I don’t mean, you know, we talk a lot on this podcast about how to mend broken relationships and what to do when those relationships struggle because of, you know, your illness and all that stuff. But and I’m not even talking about that kind of stuff. I’m just talking about, do you even have the relationships? Are they they’re like nurturing your relationships. Sometimes we can get so inwardly focused that we lose sight of how important these relationships are to us and our relationships are on different levels. For, you know, our family relationships are important. Those people that knew you, Gabe, before you were Gabe Howard, super podcaster guy like those people.

Gabe: Awww. [Laughter]

Dr. Nicole: That just knew you before you made it big, right? Like those people

Gabe: Yeah.

Dr. Nicole: That knew you then those relationships are important to continue to nurture and to continue to do. The friends that you’ve made along the way, they’re very, very important. And for some of us, our professional friends are super important as well. And they and they sometimes hold a different role for us, because if we’re not real friends, real life friends with people who are in our professions, sometimes it’s hard for them to understand. Like sometimes we sometimes we vent about things or we get frustrated about things that our friends are like, that’s dumb. Like, why are you even upset about that? That doesn’t make sense. But your professional friends can go, oh that sucks. Yeah. That was that’s really messed up. That. Yeah, that’s horrible that happened to you. But we don’t do a good job at nurturing our friendships because life is busy. Like everybody’s on ten with all their activities and got to do this and that and be productive and da da da da da da. Like we got to find time for these people. So my tip here is that it’s okay to schedule it. Everybody listening has 1 or 2 people or maybe more in their lives that every time somebody brings them up, they say, oh, I haven’t talked to them in forever.

Dr. Nicole: I’ve been meaning to check on them, but I just keep forgetting or I got too busy. Put it on a calendar. Just put it on a calendar. It’s totally fine. That person. Grandma does not have to know that you only called her. And you only remember to call her because you put a reminder in your calendar. She doesn’t have to know that. So you don’t have to say, oh, grandma, I just thought I’d give you a call because the reminder I put in my calendar just popped up that that’s not that’s not what we want to do to grandma. But I can guarantee you you will enjoy that conversation and get something out of it. Grandma will enjoy it. People don’t have to know that it was scheduled. And if you are so busy that you keep forgetting. Schedule it. Put it in your calendar. Everything that is of value and importance to us is in our calendar. Making these reminder calls to check in with random people can also be something that you add and can be valuable to both sides.

Gabe: I also want to say to all of my little bipolar friends that when we get invited places, we need to go. So often we don’t go because, well, frankly, because of depression or anxiety or because of symptoms of bipolar disorder. And then we don’t get invited back and we’re like, oh, well, why didn’t I get invited back? Here’s the reality. Let’s say that the worst-case scenario happens. You go and you don’t have a good time and it’s a bad time. You didn’t enjoy yourself. You stay for a half an hour and then you leave. I really feel that, you know, nine and a half times out of ten, that’s still a better outcome for the long game because you’ll be invited again. People know that you tried and that’s the worst-case scenario. I would argue that a better case scenario happens nine and a half times out of ten, which is that you think you’re going to have a bad time and then you don’t. But in my mind, sitting at home not accepting the invitation makes you feel bad. And then eventually you stop getting invited, which means you lose those connections. And I really think that this is a self-fulfilling prophecy that we create. So I like your idea that sometimes self-care is reaching out to people, that maybe you’re not in the mood to talk to, or going to places that maybe you’re not in the best headspace to go to. Again, self-care is important. Self-care practice is important. But if you can force yourself to go, I really think you should challenge yourself to do so.

Dr. Nicole: And especially when you feel good.

Gabe: And especially when you feel good.

Dr. Nicole: Yes. Especially when you feel good.

Gabe: I feel great, but I don’t want to go. I’m not going to invest in this. Yeah, but then they’re not going to invest in you.

Dr. Nicole: Or you feel bad about reaching out when you feel good because you’re like, well, I kind of haven’t been around in a while. Make the reach out. Make the first call. Make the first step. And if they’re important enough relationships to you, maybe your version of this interpersonal self-care is to keep the lines of communication open about your episodes and to say, you know, I’ve been in a depression for the last little bit. I’m really feeling much better. I’d love to connect, you know? I’d love to see how you’re doing and catch up. Maybe. Maybe that’s how you do that.

Gabe: And don’t hesitate to send the text message. It works. It works like gangbusters. Just something innocuous. Send a link. Send a podcast, send a send a, send a meme. Just shoot them

Dr. Nicole: Yeah.

Gabe: A text message. And then when they respond, you’ve got the party started.

Dr. Nicole: Just send something. And if your friends like me, they might prefer a text message over a phone call. Dr. Nicole hates talking on the phone. I hate talking on the phone.

Gabe: Listen to her. All right. What’s the next one, Dr. Nicole?

Dr. Nicole: All right, so think about you. You as a as a spiritual being. And this has nothing to do with religion and has nothing to do with you being a part of organized religion or whatever that looks like. But for you, if you are a person who organized religion is important to you, if you are someone who grew up in that environment, or that is something that has become important to you as you’ve moved into adulthood, then do it. Just do it. I mean, there’s there’s nothing else. Do it. So I see a lot of people who say, yeah, it’s important to me. And, you know, my religion is very important to me. My faith is very important to me. And I really wish I was more active in church. Well, why aren’t you? Like what? Why aren’t you just show up? Like you don’t need an invitation.

Gabe: Just show up and go. Just show up and go.

Dr. Nicole: You know when the doors are open. Exactly. You know when the doors are open, just show up and go when you feel good. Go if you feel like you don’t feel good, but you think there’s still value in your going, go. If you don’t feel like you can because your your mood episode is there or there’s something going on, then you don’t go. But guess what? They don’t say, oh, you didn’t come last week, so you can’t come back this week. It that’s not how it works. So if that is something that is important to you, do it.

Gabe: And virtual is a real thing. I do want to bring that up. Maybe the first step that you need to take back to getting your spiritual practice is an individualized one. Maybe it is too overwhelming to step back in the church or see people who you used to know. I got to tell you, there are services on television that my grandmother, who’s 88 years old, still watches so that she can feel connected to the Catholic Mass because she’s very, very Catholic. So she hasn’t let it get her down. And she’s 88. And, you know, a lot of the people

Dr. Nicole: Right.

Gabe: We’re talking to, especially since you’re listening to a podcast, you are much more technologically savvy than my 88-year-old grandmother who has figured this out. So don’t let it be a barrier if it’s important to you.

Dr. Nicole: And she’s figured it out because it’s important to her. And it’s

Gabe: Yes.

Dr. Nicole: Obviously an important part of her overall self-care. And so if it is important to you, there are ways to tap into that. And if you’re not an organized religion person, it may be that meditation is your way of being connected to the world and getting in, in tune with your spiritual self or whatever that looks like for you. It doesn’t have to be a big deal. But if it’s important to you and for a lot of people, it is very grounding for them. And if it is, then let’s figure out how to add it in.

Gabe: Yeah. If it’s not important to you, skip this one and move on. You don’t

Dr. Nicole: Yeah.

Gabe: Need to pay attention to it. Nobody. Nobody’s making you.

Dr. Nicole: Exactly. Exactly.

Gabe: All right, Dr. Nicole, what’s the next one?

Dr. Nicole: Woo. Number seven. Environmental.

Gabe: Environmental?

Dr. Nicole: Environmental. Yes.

Gabe: Are you going to tell me to clean my house?

Dr. Nicole: What? I’m not going to tell you to clean your house if it doesn’t bother you, but if it does bother you and if it interferes with your overall sense of mental wellness, then maybe that is part of it. But really, the biggest factor in this is home should be your peaceful place. Home should be your safe space. So if for you, walking into a house with laundry all over the place is stressful and it raises your stress levels, and then you’re sitting there all bummed out about how I didn’t get this done. And that’s just one more reminder of things that you’re not able to get done. Then home is no longer your peaceful place, right? If that doesn’t bother you, then do you? If home is a place where there’s lots of chaos and you’re not happy at home, and there’s lots of discord between you and the people who live in your home, then do what you need to do to work on that. Do what you need to do to make that environment your peaceful place. Home should absolutely be the most peaceful place for you. Like when you go home, at the end of the day, all that crap going on in the world should largely be irrelevant because that should be your place. What does that look like for you? What changes need to happen? Do we need to go to couples therapy? Do we need to figure out alternate arrangements? Do do we need to just talk more? Do we need to figure out how to stay on top of the things that are upsetting to me in the home. What does that look like for whatever it is? Figure out how to make your environment, your home base, your peaceful spot.

Gabe: And I want to share that. We learned a lot during the pandemic, and my wife and I learned that she can’t say good morning to me, and you think that’s funny? But before the pandemic, she got up every day and went to work and I worked from home. So this was not an issue. But we learned very quickly when she started working from home, too, that when I woke up in the morning and she’s all cheery, good morning Gabe. This sacrificed my safe place because I started off every day angry. Now we did not handle it well. I thought it was going to resolve itself because the early days of the pandemic were very confusing, etc. and it reached a breaking point where we actually did get in a really big fight about it. And that was unfortunate because when we really boiled it down, she was like, look, I didn’t I didn’t realize you felt that way. I don’t I don’t have to say good morning to you. I just I thought that was a thing I did. And I

Dr. Nicole: Right.

Gabe: Was like, okay, don’t say good morning to me. So the easy fix was I will walk right past her. She won’t say a word to me. And then at some point, ten, 15, 20 minutes later, I say the first thing. And she’s just fine with it because she understands that home needs to be safe for me. You know, making arrangements with the people who you live with to understand that maybe you just don’t want to be said good morning to. And it seems so innocuous, right.

Dr. Nicole: Yeah, yeah.

Gabe: Like, how did it start? Your wife said, good morning and you lost it. I

Dr. Nicole: Yes.

Gabe: Did, and it’s it’s important for me to own that, understand it. And it was super awesome of her to be like, yeah, I don’t need to say good morning. That’s cool. You just you just need to communicate that to me. Glad I got to bring in that little story. I know we’re, I know we’ve got we’ve got one more. We’ve got one more.

Dr. Nicole: One more.

Gabe: We’re going to get it in under the wire.

Dr. Nicole: Yay, it’s gonna be pretty easy.

Gabe: Yeah, now is the last. Did you save the best for last?

Dr. Nicole: Well, Gabe, that’s a lot of pressure.

Gabe: That’s a lot of pressure.

Dr. Nicole: [Laughter]

Gabe: What is it? I’m excited.

Dr. Nicole: That’s a lot of pressure.

Gabe: I’m excited. What is it? It’s the one.

Dr. Nicole: I don’t feel like it’s necessarily the best for last, but I do think it’s very important and I think it is your intellectual self-care. I think that as as

Gabe: Love it.

Dr. Nicole: Humans, as humans, we, we need to continue to learn and to grow as a person living with bipolar disorder, one of the best things you can do for yourself is to continue to learn about your disorder. Continue to make sure that you’re reading about, oh, this new category of medicines coming out. That’s interesting. You don’t have to understand every little detail about the receptors and the neurotransmitters and  the channel blockers and all of these terms that are completely foreign to you. But just to know, like, oh, there’s new things on the horizon. Subscribe to a podcast, for example, subscribe to a newsletter. You know, just continue to learn about your life, continue to learn about your illness. Continue to learn about what’s going on.  

Gabe: And obviously we’re a podcast about bipolar disorder. So we’re going to suggest that you learn about your illness. And we do think that’s super important. But all learning is good. And even simple things like doing a puzzle or getting one of those, those puzzle books that you can buy at the store, or jumping on YouTube and learning how to play an instrument or reading a book that interests you. Any type of learning to engage your brain is super important. We just like to stay on brand with bipolar disorder. But,  you know, with that said, good news, everybody. If you’ve listened to the podcast this far, you have already done number eight. You’ve learned a lot about self-care with bipolar disorder and challenge that brain. So you’re almost all the way there.

Gabe: I know we’re we’re pressing the limits of the time we have for this episode, and I, I just want to end by saying it’s really important that you take what you want and you leave the rest when it comes to self-care. You don’t have to do all eight. You don’t have to pay attention to all eight. I think these are some great directions to look in, and I really appreciated Dr. Nicole as begrudging as I was at the start of it, I really appreciated that you opened up the self-care conversation to be more than go on vacation, nature, bathe, do yoga, spend time with friends and family. The these things are a component of self-care. But I’m telling you, you get so much, so much joy out of the little day to day things, having better routines and setting better boundaries with yourself and having realistic expectations than you’re ever going to get out of even the most expensive vacation. So thank you for taking me on this journey.

Dr. Nicole: Absolutely. And I agree with you. The small day to day things are the things that really add to our quality of life, so much more than the huge things.